“Don’t trust their words, trust their actions because actions will prove why words are meaningless”
The narcissist is brilliant at mind games and twisting words and manipulating situations for their own agenda. When you first meet a narcissist they will use a love language that sweeps you off your feet and makes you feel comfortable as they begin their love dance of mirroring your soul. Very quickly you feel like you have known them all your life, that they are your twin flame or your soul mate. They do this because they are like vampires, they need you, your personality and energy to fill a void inside of themselves.
The relationship moves rapidly with captivating attention and charm and as the unsuspecting victim you ignore the red flags warning you of the dangers to come. You make excuses to yourself for the niggling feelings in your gut as your intuition sends feelings of unease that something doesn’t make sense. Instead you are floating around on a love cloud created by the narcissist.
This illusion is created as they intentionally mirror you and you see them as your perfect mate sent by the Universe. Unfortunately, even if you were warned at this stage that it was all an illusion I’m not sure that you would believe or embrace the warnings. The language of love, the attention and charismatic charm of the new person in your life keeps you oblivious and completely unaware that you are in the love bombing phase of the relationship with a narcissist.
"Narcissists love to love-bomb," says Dr Ramani Durvasula. "It's the big courtship. It's the big gestures. It's going on vacation two and a half weeks into the relationship, over-texting, giving big gifts. A lot of people think they've fallen into a fairy tale, and you can see how they can miss signs of narcissism."
Love bombing works because all humans like to feel loved, feeling loved is the most sort after human need. Love bombers usually target people with low self esteems and so the love bombing causes a rush of dopamine that makes the target feel good and she soon becomes blindly dependant on the source of the love bombing.
In the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist its not all about grooming as they also experience the emotional high. However, manipulation is usually present. According to Dr Rhonda Freeman, “Grooming is a process that sets a certain image in the target’s mind of who the psychopath is and his (her) past experiences. They have the goal of making themselves appear trustworthy to you. They want to disarm you from thinking that there could be any problems with them. Grooming is their way of creating a narrative for you to believe in. By doing that, they get exactly what they want from you without much, if any, resistance.”
Once the narcissist starts to feel that you are securely entrapped within his web of illusion and that you are viewing life through your pink tinted sunglasses full of hearts and love the relationship will change. As the relationship changes his social mask starts to crack and his language of love changes. It will be very subtle at first and you may not notice it or you will brush it aside as nothing or you will blame yourself for being over sensitive. The love bombing stage is now over and the relationship moves into the devaluing phase.
Common language of love phrases used by narcissists during the love bombing phase are;
- I only want to make you happy.
- You are the best thing that ever happened to me.
- I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you.
- In the past I was always involved with crazy women…
- I have never felt for anyone else the way I feel for you.
- You are so beautiful!
- You complete me …
- There was always something missing from my life until I met you.
- Don’t worry about anything I will take care of it.
- I don’t need anything as long as I have you …
- I feel that I have known you all my life …
- You are my soulmate or twin-flame …
- You make me feel so good, so special …
- My last relationship ended because she was so crazy, insecure and crazy!
Remember, knowledge gives you acceptance, and knowledge and acceptance gives you power!
The information included in this guide is for informational purpose only.
It is not intended to be used as a substitute for diagnosis or treatment of any illness.